I have never enjoyed visiting people in the hospital. Or even in their home when they were sick. That's not a good thing for an ordained minister.
When I was the pastor of a church, visiting the sick was not my most enjoyable task. However, it is something we all should do, even if it is not the most enjoyable
activity.
The following suggestions should help you be the supportive person for your loved one or even a casual friend who has been diagnosed with
cancer.
Your first fear is, "What shall I say?" You actually don't have to say anything. Or at least not very much. Your first job is to listen. This is difficult when
you are with someone you care about who is facing a life-threatening illness.
It is imperative to listen without offering unrealistic expectations. Miracles do
happen. I am one of them. No one, not even my doctors expected me to live. I felt so hopeless that I called hospice in. The only bright spots in my day were the visits
of my friends and family. I think those visits were as much a factor in my recovery as the chemotherapy treatments, my surgeries and the 38 radiation treatments I
endured.
Most of my visitors refrained from telling me how good I looked and promising me that I would be my "old self" in no time. Yeah right. With tubes up
my nose and extending from my arm I resented what I perceived as false hope. I am not saying that you should not provide words of encouragements and hope. Just
be careful not to promise things your loved one my not have the capacity to believe right now.
It is common human behavior to say "Oh, you're going to be
just fine". Just sitting with someone who is sick and not feeling very hopeful can be the most significant contribution that you will make to your loved one's
well-being.
Stay in touch. Cancer treatment and recovery can be a long drawn out process. Cancer patients often think that "people don't call or visit any
more" Checking in regularly over the long haul is tremendously helpful. I don't think cancer survivors can become cancer survivors if it were not for loving caregivers
and supportive family and friends.
